


Gestures of Love

by ultjnghns



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Choi Hansol - Freeform, In the works, M/M, Seventeen - Freeform, Soulmate Au/, boo seungkwan - Freeform, boo seungkwan/Choi Hansol, edgy shit, idk man, other svt members might show up, probably not EXACTLY a soulmate au but seungkwan does have a fuck the system phase for the most part, soulmate au-ish, symptoms of depression??, the great mysteries of life and love i guess idfk, with a fair bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2018-12-15 21:24:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11814474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultjnghns/pseuds/ultjnghns
Summary: Soulmate AU- As you live and grow, the things that matter the most to your soulmate will appear in the form of tattoos on your wrists. But it's a flawed system, and no one knows that better than Boo Seungkwan.





	1. Chapter 1

He was three when it first appeared. Floating with his father in the pond behind his house, he felt the sting of pain on his wrist and began to cry. His mother was overjoyed, his father proud. It was a bit early, but at least the tattoo confirmed there was someone out there in the world who would love their son unconditionally.

A small and quaint house with an essence of home radiating off it. 

He was fifteen when the second one came. Engrossed in his test, the pain was troubling but welcomed. It had been so long, and with most of his classmates already on their last tattoo, he'd thought his soulmate died or something. He had to will himself to not look at what it was until after the test was over. The remainder of it, though, became a jumble of words and phrases all floating about his head, but he managed. 

Showing it off to everyone during recess, they fawned over how cute his soulmate would be.

A bunch of violets growing in a bush. 

The final one came not a year later. 

His head was always spining, it was a troubling time in his life as doubts and insecurities had swallowed him up. He was growing into a skin that was too tight for him and every thought he had about his soulmate pushed him away more and more. 

It was such an unfair and pathetic system. Soulmates are supposed to be permanent. The contract wasnt ever supposed to expire. Fuck true love, it never existed and it never will. All those pairs who made it to the end together? They died before reality could've reached them. 

In truth, 

His parents were getting a divorce.

It came all of a sudden, a new tattoo on his mother's arm. That was one of the most disorientating week of his life. Constant fights, accusals, threats. It was like the love they had not days ago vanished into thin air.

Heartbroken, his father packed up and left. The divorce would be official a week before his birthday. 

Woohoo.

Walking down the school hallway was torture. Whispers followed him like ghosts and bad scents, the fingers pointed without mercy. He still smiled and laughed to avoid the pungent pity of others, but deep inside he was rotting. 

Boo Seungkwan didnt want to fall in love. No, not anymore.

And he didnt want the final tattoo to come, he wanted nothing to do with it anymore. 

And as that thought hardened in his mind, he felt the sting as two intertwined musical notes appeared on his wrist, like two dancing lovers. 

Somewhere far off in a distant land where everything was alien, Hansol sat on the edge of a familiar rooftop, staring at the sunset, the mixture of colours reflecting in his eyes and painting stories all over his face. And he wondered, as was his speciality. 

Where was his soulmate?  
What were they like? (his three tattoos didn't tell him much other than his soulmate has a fondness for singing)  
When will they meet?  
Will they work out? (He'd heard of soulmates whose love was so intense it had burned them both in the process, leaving only scorched hearts and embers of a forgotten love)  
Did Mr. Riaz think his paper was worth a passing grade?  
Will he be enough for his soulmate?

It wasn't rare, these thoughts. They occupied him a lot, especially in this stage of his life, where everything seemed plastic and with each day passing as though laced with spikes. 

When the stars came out to laugh at the worries of the young boy whose life they so utterly controlled, Hansol got up and returned to the solace and warmth of his home, where everything was alright and all troubles faded with the laughter of his sister and the smiles of his parents. 

While the universe shone through his window, somewhere in a remote city, Seungkwan wakes up to the smell of his mother's cooking and the rays of the sun caressing his face, all in mockery of his pathetic self agony.


	2. Chapter 2

Seungkwan used to be a charm in the mornings of the past. The once welcomed chatter and hopes for the new day seemed to have dissolved into the misty past. 

In its place, a haunting silence manifested. In the previous few months, he had withdrawn further and further into himself. 

His mother blamed herself, how could she not? Believed her own child couldn’t bear to look at her for she was nothing more than a freak now.

But that wasn’t the case, not really. 

It was the self blame, written all over her once soft features. Her eyes which carried so much colour and love long ago, now hollow and blank. Her lips, which would sing the sweetests of lullabies, now chapped and chewed. Her cheeks, rosy and healthy, now stained with tears born only as the night would die. 

She blamed herself, for being too rash, for starting a family so quickly, for ruining her children’s life; making them live each day, knowing they weren’t a result of love. Rather, a blind trust in a higher system. 

Despite all this however, she was still his mother and he loved her no matter what. He wanted to help her, he really did, but with his own insecurities growing and his own fears amplified by these turn of events, he just couldnt string his actions and words together to remind her of her importance.

That skill would come to him later.

He hadn’t heard a whisper from his father since the day he left, taking all warmth and colour from the house along with him. He should care, but he couldn't bother for a man who didn't even try to stay and sort out a problem he was just as equally a part of, rather than running away to heal his bruised heart.

As the last bits of yesterday’s leftovers disappeared from his plate, he escaped the chill of his house and into a world just as forlorn to him. The warm breeze, bright petals flying into his hair, melodious chirps of the birds were his favourite things during this time of the year. Reminders of the small beauties in life.

Now, they mean nothing to him, just like dust in the breeze he once loved. 

This change in him, so sudden and out of character made him stick out like a sore thumb. It was all wrong, this gloom. With Seungkwan came happiness, laughter, sincerity. With the appearance of a few drops of ink, it felt as though his very youth was ripped away from him.  
His world, once so bright and filled with melodies and palettes of joy, was shot. It bled every moment, and he was so utterly at war with himself to heal its wounds. Seeing the same bleak faces everyday, the same routine of studies and food and sleep, the same rituals of being pushed into the walls as another excited kid ran to show off their wrist. It was all so pathetic, so wholly insulting. How could they be so unbothered? So jovial and so full of life as one of their own dissolved with every tick of the clock.

Soon, though not soon enough, he would be seeing those faces for the last time. As the diplomas were given out and the grades accepted with broken hopes and renewed dreams, Seungkwan fled, leaving all but some remainders of his past life behind him. 

He had gone a bit back to normal, but he wasn’t like his old self anymore. He doubted he would ever be again. 

With a promise to keep in frequent touch, old trinkets from happier times and his crumbling selfworth, he left the world in which he grew and matured, left it all for a new chance. 

New faces, new people, new days and a new him. 

With each book he stacked and each shirt he folded, he appreciated his luck in getting only one roommate as opposed to the usual two of his college. It was good, one less person to lie around. 

With his bed made and his socks folded in a neat pile, his defensive walls erect and his future seeming so achingly blank, he waited for his roommate to show up. 

Each moment passed with agony; he couldn’t seem to dig up the energy to distract himself, so he just starred at the door. As a putrid chill enveloped him yet again, his heart sped when the knob twisted. In the eternity of a second, the sun peeked from behind the scarce clouds, shining full force upon the face of the boy he’d be spending the next few months with. 

One fluid motion, and Hansol entered the room and at last, Seungkwan’s life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol and Seungkwan meet and ,boy, is it awkward.

For the briefest of moments, the sunlight streaming in through the moth-bitten curtains blinded Hansol. Recovering from the temporary daze, he found himself face-to-face with a boy who seemed to look as though he were trying to collapse in on himself, huddled in a large hoodie despite the warm summer day. His efforts were futile, for when their eyes locked, Hansol could’ve sworn they glimmered and that the boy had a special shimmer around him. It was ridiculously cheesy but unless you saw him with your own two eyes the impact of his mere presence would’ve been immediately loss to lack of appropriate adjectives.  
With eyes fixated on each other for what felt like a million eternities, the dazzling boy offered a squeaky, ‘’Hello,”. Dropping from the clouds of his imaginations, Hansol straightened up and smiled. Seungkwan had to refrain from shielding his eyes, he didn’t know if the sun was shining on his teeth or if he was the sun.  
‘’Hello!” Sun-boy beamed, “Are you by any chance Boo Seungkwan?”’  
“The one and only,” Seungkwan mumbled, stretching his arms in what was an attempt at a pose.  
“Sweet! I'm Vernon. Well on the documents I'm Hansol but since Vernon is also my name I don’t mind being called that either,’’ He had a flow in his voice, a sort of rhythm. He couldn’t pin-point it, but Seungkwan knew he wouldn’t mind if Vernon/Hansol were to talk forever.  
Seeing as he introduced himself as Vernon first, Seungkwan decided to call him that. “Nice to meet you, Vernon. We’re stuck in this shithole for a while so I guess this room-mateship better be good.”  
Looking around, Hansol had to agree that the term shithole drove right home in terms of description. Sunlight was still streaming steadily through the tattered and thin curtains, bringing in with it armies of dust. There were two beds which looked like they came from 1754, but the mattress on top of them seemed pleasant enough. Next to each bed was a desk-drawer hybrid; a wooden study table which had, on its side, three large drawers where, presumably, the clothes would go. A single shelf hung over the bed, and Hansol feared that if he were to put even half of his course books on it, the shelf would behead him as he slept. The floor was carpeted and, by the grace of God, it seemed pristine and clean. Glancing at Seungkwan’s side of the room (which was next to the window, opposite of the door) he noticed the boy had already hung up a few polaroids and posters. Apparently he was into ballad singers.  
Dumping his suitcase onto the (creaky) bed, Hansol went to peep through the musty curtains. They had a clear view of the campus and he could easily see his Psychology Hall from here. Finally turning towards to resume the talk with Seungkwan, he noticed he’d been staring at him. To spare him shame (or at least that’s what Seungkwan believed) he didn’t comment on it. Leaning against the wall, he inquired, “So, what’s your major? Or do I already have a solid guess,’’ he nodded towards the posters.  
“Yeah, I'm doing music, pretty obvious eh?” Seungkwan wanted to wrap himself up in a trillion layers and never emerge. God, could he be any more lame? Here he is, new start, new him, its’s barely been the first day and his roommate is a freaking model! Watch him have some really ~sophisticated~ major like Biology or Architecture or—  
“Psychology,” Hansol offered, “’I do psychology, if you were curious...” Psychology! See! Oh my God how will Boo Seungkwan ever survive this? Sensing the growing awkward silence choking him, he turned towards Hansol and asked,  
“Where do you come from? I'm from Jeju.”  
Before he could even smile at the fact that the mystic pretty boy said more than three words, Hansol and Seungkwan were shaken out of their skins by the door slamming open. Vibrations rang all through the room as they both stared at a energetic looking boy who stood at approximately 20 feet tall (he had to duck to get into the room). Peeking at Hansol helplessly, Seungkwan saw his face erupt into a smile as he said, “Mingyu! Bro!” Within a second, ‘Mingyu’ had grabbed him by the arm, raced through something which Seungkwan could not be bothered to understand, and dragged him out of the room, banging the door again into an eerie silence.  
Dust settling around him, Seungkwan felt many emotions, the biggest being relief that the awkward and torturous conversation was killed. Laying back onto his bed he gazed up at the peeling paint on the ceiling and his mind went back to the blinding smile and gentle voice of his roommate. Closing his eyes, Seungkwan smiled secretly to himself, thinking that this might not be the shit-fest he originally thought it was going to be. Maybe he’ll learn to like Hansol’s presence, but for now that walking doll had his permission to stay the hell away from him and his guarded heart.  
Thrown into what he believed were the throes of an infatuation, poor Seungkwan failed to notice that our dear Hansol was wearing a T-Shirt, and that he had some very familiar and endearing images plastered on his left wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i know i sort of literally died but be gentle with me im like giving my IGCSES this year so i'll be Dead Extreme but if i find the time (or will) i might update here n there <3 also i didn't reread this at all if u find any mistakes just know that i'm sorry and i'll probably fix them in three months


End file.
